You cannot be great by acting like larger than life, confident beings with heated words, colourful metaphors and fake conviction; used to entertain the mediocre. It doesn’t make you god. And it definitely, will not fool the shit out of real rationality.
A layer of metal under my skin.
A protection for what is fragile.
So you can’t tear my beautiful fin.
My heart and soul is bright and agile.
I healed myself by myself.
I healed all that was to heal.
You broke nothing, you should know.
All your efforts are a fail.
Do me a favour and ask youself,
What your words worth ehat you lost?
My heart and soul are synced too well,
For negativity to penetrate the shell.
If your vision told you the worst,
Why did you tolerate me thus?
For all so long you dragged me on,
Then I’m hanging and you’re gone.
But doesn’t it all matter no more
Since my life is so much better than yours.
Whatever you judge of me
Only be a reflection of thee.
Whatever you claim it is
Says what in your heart besits.
Now my heart and I are so free
Of thee and all other adversity.
I shall breathe the long and happy breath
Deep and relaxing it shall be.
I will live with a purpose and genuine beam,
This ignorance shall never make me scream.
You tried so hard, you tried consistently.
You say you did, but, did you really?
You seem unhappy, you are always depressed.
It takes the best of you and you claim to have panic attacks.
But all you do is ‘try’.
Why is it that you ‘try’?
You dont ‘do’ you just ‘try’.
You try to fight for what you want.
You try to fix what went wrong.
Is it that you console yourself?
Or is it that you actually ‘try’?
Because, what you and I, both don’t realise is that ‘trying’ is a ‘thought’ and not an ‘act’.
‘Try’ is a ‘barrier’, a ‘hurdle’, a ‘rock’.
So don’t you ‘try’, don’t you dare ‘try’.
Just do what you can, and then do what you can’t.
Do that which is ‘mad’, do that which is ‘bad’.
Do that which is ‘wrong’, do that what makes you ‘strong’.
Because whether you like it or not.
“YOU ARE DYING ALONE”.
I told him, I cared about his work more than he did, and it was a tongue slip. I did not mean to say it but it came out that way. I believed it to be true because it was true because I wasn’t consciously saying that. Yet I destroyed it, it was in front of me and I destroyed it, he trusted me and I broke it. I disappointed myself more than I disappointed him. I felt broken and sad and helpless. I was better off being completely helpless. I tried. But I was ignorant.
I care, but I proved otherwise. I am naive, it is worst to say and destroy rather than just destroy. But earlier on I criticized someone who ruined something of mine, and I was mean to him, and it was karma which worked against me. Now I can’t show him my face. I can’t see his. I can’t face him at all. I have lost all my chances. I never get a second chance
I don’t want a second chance. It will be true to just look at him from a far. And never get near. I don’t want to hurt him again. I love him. But wait, about how many have I used the word love? Am I real with this? I have made this word so mediocre. I hate me for it. But do I really hate me? Because if I did. I would be dead. Am I even sincere? No I am not. What am i? I don’t know. I have feelings for him. I want to see him succeed. I want him to be the artist. My friend called him a stud. Yes he is. And what am I a big blob of flesh. Yes I am. I am despicable. Everyone in my life seems to despise me including me.
Acting like a hopeless romantic isn’t going to cut into anything. I want him to be something great which he is and is capable of more than this. But I am not going to be piercing into his life anymore. And the solution to all of my problems seems to be silence. If only I could condition myself into being silent, and listening to all. I need to stay silent, observe, and work on my life and my body.
Talk about body: If this is actually love the way I feel at the moment is supposed to make me a little more than slim, and that is skinny. I do love him. I will keep living him. And keep these feelings alive, I shall never tell him. I shall stay secretive. I will keep it in my heart hidden in the safest place so that no one can take it out of me. I will stay this way, this will be my success. It is amazing how the minutest thing as a dot can actually become a full stop. And this is a stop.