(Self-Control, Power of Will, Paradox)

Humanity and civilization, Ethics and Morals. It is interesting how Morals and ethics are used to make human civilization peaceful and flourish. Humans have developed certain rules and certain codes of conduct. Some are written & some unwritten. We are taught to follow these rules and in our minds somehow if we don’t follow these rules a sense of guilt takes over. It is then not just the acceptance to society which depends on these rules but our acceptance of ourselves that latches on frantically to these ways. At some point a self critic arises within and compares us to the world we see. At some Places in certain actions the critic is humbled and pleased to see that we have performed better and at other points the critic turns into a devil eating at our own confidence. How far is this self within depends on the outside world.

A concept of will says that we as human beings aren’t actually ever free. We are not free to make our own choices. In Fact everything we do is dependent on the million different things in our environment which are controlling us. Then there is the theory that no we can make a free choice. We can choose between one thing and another. Thus the definition of free will becomes that if a person is able to see and choose between two opposing things then it is a free choice. If I project that on myself. Something Only I can change in me and I know it. But however Everywhere and every day there are opposing things surrounding me that stop me from changing what I want to change. 

So I think of changing my surroundings and the people around me. I criticise and accept and reject certain aspects of the world around me and yet if I try to control things. I can’t control those things. So then I came to the conclusion that I should change myself. 

The truth then is that humans never actually change. Since thinking about changing has become a part of my personality. If I’m thinking I’m not exactly doing. And if I am not doing then I am not changing.

That is then a part of my nature.

Humanity is supposed to be human. Humanity is allowed to make mistakes and at the same time be kind. Humanity is supposed to look at people around them and think good for those people. Humanity is supposed to be helpful to those who need help. From the person standing next to humanity to the ground beneath its feet. Humanity is supposed to have a big heart. Humanity has to be strong for strength is everything. The Strength of endurance is everything.

What gives us these attributes? What makes us Strong? The only way we can be strong is if we become independent and only one thing makes us independent, that is if we instill in ourselves the belief that God exists and HE is actually all-powerful. Without this belief the world doesn’t seem to have much to live for.

The world is bland. All the past years of my life flash before my eyes in a single second. Even though it took me years to live it. they were divided into months, weeks, days, hours, minutes & tik, tik, tik. And yet I can think of most of what I have done in a single Tik. That is how fleeting and immemorable most of our lives actually are. Then how can we give it more importance than it should have.

In this case I truly believe. Because I feel my life has no reason to be if I don’t believe. It gives me strength and the ability to endure. It gives me hope and makes me face every problem I come across.

But it fills me with guilt. My belief makes me worry and be guilty of the smallest and the biggest mistakes I have made all my life. And thus in this belief I am imprisoned. My belief in God may be strong. But I have no way of knowing if He has forgiven. And then again I am not exactly free and I am not independent.

I often watch the people around me on the streets and imagine my soul being in one of those bodies. Imagining a different set of problems and a different set of happiness. Trying to navigate across someone else’s life. Just how does that person there sitting on the street, smelling the way he does and looking the way he does, with the body and the complection and the life and all the suffering. How would that person look at themselves in the mirror. Do they even look in a mirror? Do they have the time to do so? Is that person able to think about who he is and believe in God with all problems that he has. 

That person uses the words, “Allah ke naam per.” when he begs. Does he even believe? I can be called judgemental. Here again it can be that I am wrong to question someone else’s belief. And that I don’t have a right to judge. But is this actually judgement? Am I judging that person if I am thinking about his belief and his life. And with all his problems if he still believes in an ultimate power or if he simply thinks about the piece of bread. Because even though I am privileged and live a wonderful life, that one day when I see the last cigarette in the pack, in my mind I go completely hysterical. Is that being spoiled or is that how the beggar feels about food. Because then I guess I do have a glimpse of the life of a starving person. Or maybe not. maybe it is being spoilt. 

There are many different aspects of these theories. But here is the one that I feel is closest to reality. THe existence of opposites. These opposites exist together in harmony and balance, not only in the world outside but also the world within us.

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